Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our
calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look
like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female
figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group
shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our
privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to
picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look
like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's
spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out
of being lost is to ask for directions.
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Friday, February 24, 2006
Thursday, February 02, 2006
How to know where you are in India(funny)
If you ever get lost in india and want to find out where you are, this
is the best way of doing just that.
scenario 1
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
then a fourth and
they start arguing about who s right - you are in kolkata.
scenario 2
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
sees them and walks on - that s mumbai.
scenario 3
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along &
tries to make
peace. the first two get together & beat him up - thats delhi .
scenario 4
two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy
comes along and
quietly opens a chai stall - that s ahmedabad.
scenario 5
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. he writes
a software program to solve the issue but the fight does not stop
because of a bug in the program. that s bangalore .
scenario 6
two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy
comes along and quietly says that anna doesn t like all this nonsense.
peace comes in - that s chennai.
scenario 7
two guys are fighting. both of them take time out and
call their friends on mobile. now 50 guys are fighting. you are in hyderabad
scenario 8
two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch.
someone calls police.
the police come and lathi charge all the people crowded there. someone
throws stones at the police. the police throw stones back at the
crowd. some people are arrested. damages to the shops nearby. next
day, harthal and holiday declared by government ..You are very much in
thiruvananthapuram, the city of kerala ....
______________________________________________________________
is the best way of doing just that.
scenario 1
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
then a fourth and
they start arguing about who s right - you are in kolkata.
scenario 2
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
sees them and walks on - that s mumbai.
scenario 3
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along &
tries to make
peace. the first two get together & beat him up - thats delhi .
scenario 4
two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy
comes along and
quietly opens a chai stall - that s ahmedabad.
scenario 5
two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. he writes
a software program to solve the issue but the fight does not stop
because of a bug in the program. that s bangalore .
scenario 6
two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch. a guy
comes along and quietly says that anna doesn t like all this nonsense.
peace comes in - that s chennai.
scenario 7
two guys are fighting. both of them take time out and
call their friends on mobile. now 50 guys are fighting. you are in hyderabad
scenario 8
two guys are fighting. a crowd gathers to watch.
someone calls police.
the police come and lathi charge all the people crowded there. someone
throws stones at the police. the police throw stones back at the
crowd. some people are arrested. damages to the shops nearby. next
day, harthal and holiday declared by government ..You are very much in
thiruvananthapuram, the city of kerala ....
______________________________________________________________
The Power Of Words
A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead.
The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.
The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.
This story teaches two lessons:
1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.
2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them. Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path.
The power of words....it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times!
______________________________________________________________
Its YOU........
"ITS YOU"
Sure I've been loving you through all those years,
I've found hope through my fears,
cause you gave me strength to make it clear,
drying up all my tears.
Made me stand tall as tomorrow came,
we changed the rules and became the ones to reign
in a word where loving someone used to mean being insane
and tending to help getting the blame.
When I was about to sail,
you stopped me and showed me the right way
to win the shame
and admit when I fail.
You've always been there, never seemed to wanna leave,
getting away every of my insecurities,
and it's you I breathe,
every time I get lost in my anxiety.
In you I found my way home,
you gave me faith when I lost hope..
a reason to believe, someone to love..
you're everything I needed the most.
Know when I'm down and start to crawl
you'll raise me up if I'm about to fall.
You'll be right there and relieve my soul,
it'll be so light that I can soar.
Today, tomorrow and all the days that are gonna come,
for the errors I'll do and the ones I've already done,
I have a reason why I won't give up..
and it's the same that made it all start.
A reason that makes the bad turn into good,
sure I've done the best I could
cause there was so much I had to go through
just to find out the reason it's you.
______________________________________________________________
Sure I've been loving you through all those years,
I've found hope through my fears,
cause you gave me strength to make it clear,
drying up all my tears.
Made me stand tall as tomorrow came,
we changed the rules and became the ones to reign
in a word where loving someone used to mean being insane
and tending to help getting the blame.
When I was about to sail,
you stopped me and showed me the right way
to win the shame
and admit when I fail.
You've always been there, never seemed to wanna leave,
getting away every of my insecurities,
and it's you I breathe,
every time I get lost in my anxiety.
In you I found my way home,
you gave me faith when I lost hope..
a reason to believe, someone to love..
you're everything I needed the most.
Know when I'm down and start to crawl
you'll raise me up if I'm about to fall.
You'll be right there and relieve my soul,
it'll be so light that I can soar.
Today, tomorrow and all the days that are gonna come,
for the errors I'll do and the ones I've already done,
I have a reason why I won't give up..
and it's the same that made it all start.
A reason that makes the bad turn into good,
sure I've done the best I could
cause there was so much I had to go through
just to find out the reason it's you.
______________________________________________________________
How to answer to the tough.......,.,..,
How to Answer the Tough Interview Questions
A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an
interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they
stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants:
> > Why did you leave your last job?
> > Real answer: It sucked.
> > What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were
underutilized.
> > What are your biggest weaknesses?
> > Real answer: I can't concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all
forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
> > What you should say: I'm a workaholic. I just don't know when to put
down my work.
> > You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll
stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
> > Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees..
> > What you should say: I'm at a point in my career where I am tired of
moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
> > For all those of u aiming for job switches...............
> > How do you handle change?
> > Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I'm out of clean
underwear.
> > What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.
> > How do you get along with others?
> > Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
> > What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the
workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
> > What does the word success mean to you?
> > Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag my sorry ass out of bed to kiss yours.
> > What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.
> > What does the word failure mean to you?
> > Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
> > What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. That word is not in my vocabulary.
> > Do you get along with your current boss?
> > Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious
person he is.
> > What you should say: I don't think I'd call him a boss; he's been more
of a mentor to me.
> > Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
> > Real answer: I don't get angry, I get even.
> > What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry with co-workers.
> > Can I contact your references?
> > Real answer: Sure, but they won't know who I am.
> > What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now.
Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.
Regards,
johnie
______________________________________________________________
A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an
interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they
stumble upon tough questions. Below, is some advice on approaching the tough questions that interviewers like to throw at job applicants:
> > Why did you leave your last job?
> > Real answer: It sucked.
> > What you should say: I felt my talents and abilities were
underutilized.
> > What are your biggest weaknesses?
> > Real answer: I can't concentrate for more than five minutes, hate all
forms of authority and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
> > What you should say: I'm a workaholic. I just don't know when to put
down my work.
> > You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll
stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
> > Real answer: My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees..
> > What you should say: I'm at a point in my career where I am tired of
moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a contribution.
> > For all those of u aiming for job switches...............
> > How do you handle change?
> > Real answer: I deal with it everyday, unless I'm out of clean
underwear.
> > What you should say: I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.
> > How do you get along with others?
> > Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay out of my face.
> > What you should say: I think the interpersonal dynamics of the
workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
> > What does the word success mean to you?
> > Real answer: It means that I don't have to drag my sorry ass out of bed to kiss yours.
> > What you should say: Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.
> > What does the word failure mean to you?
> > Real answer: It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
> > What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. That word is not in my vocabulary.
> > Do you get along with your current boss?
> > Real answer: I get along fine, considering what kind of a malicious
person he is.
> > What you should say: I don't think I'd call him a boss; he's been more
of a mentor to me.
> > Do you ever get angry with co-workers?
> > Real answer: I don't get angry, I get even.
> > What you should say: Nothing angers me more than to see a co-worker not pulling his weight, goofing off or stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry with co-workers.
> > Can I contact your references?
> > Real answer: Sure, but they won't know who I am.
> > What you should say: Some of them are out of the country right now.
Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.
Regards,
johnie
______________________________________________________________
Some facts......
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it is made out of cotton.
2. The 57 on a Heinz ketchup bottle represents the variety of pickles the Company once had.
3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
4. The dot over the letter ' i' is called the title.
5. A duck's quack doesn't echo, no one knows why.
6. Forty percent of McDonald's profit comes from the sales of 'happy meals'.
7. Every person has a unique tongue print.
8. 315 entries in Websters 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
9. On an average, 12 newborns will be given to wrong parents daily.
10.During the famous chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen at a distance.
11.Warren Beatty and Shirley Maclaine are brother and sister.
12.Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces will kill a
small sized dog.
13.Most lipsticks contain fish scales.
14.Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15.Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
16.Leonardo Da vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the
same time.
17.There are no clocks in the Las Vegas gambling casinos.
18.There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and
silver.
19.A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it go mad instantly and sting itself to death.
20.By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
21.American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
______________________________________________________________
2. The 57 on a Heinz ketchup bottle represents the variety of pickles the Company once had.
3. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
4. The dot over the letter ' i' is called the title.
5. A duck's quack doesn't echo, no one knows why.
6. Forty percent of McDonald's profit comes from the sales of 'happy meals'.
7. Every person has a unique tongue print.
8. 315 entries in Websters 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
9. On an average, 12 newborns will be given to wrong parents daily.
10.During the famous chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen at a distance.
11.Warren Beatty and Shirley Maclaine are brother and sister.
12.Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces will kill a
small sized dog.
13.Most lipsticks contain fish scales.
14.Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15.Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
16.Leonardo Da vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the
same time.
17.There are no clocks in the Las Vegas gambling casinos.
18.There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and
silver.
19.A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it go mad instantly and sting itself to death.
20.By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
21.American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
______________________________________________________________
Phone trick....try it
1) Grab a calculator. (You wont be able to do this in
your head)
2) Key in the first three digits of your phone number
if ur phone number is 7 digits or else take the first 4 digits of ur number if its 8 digits.(only land line no.)
(NOT the area code)
3) Multiply by 80
4) Add 1
5) Multiply by 250
6) Add the last four numbers of your phone number
7) Add the last four numbers of your phone number
again
8) Subtract 250
9) Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer ?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
your head)
2) Key in the first three digits of your phone number
if ur phone number is 7 digits or else take the first 4 digits of ur number if its 8 digits.(only land line no.)
(NOT the area code)
3) Multiply by 80
4) Add 1
5) Multiply by 250
6) Add the last four numbers of your phone number
7) Add the last four numbers of your phone number
again
8) Subtract 250
9) Divide number by 2
Do you recognize the answer ?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
diff between love and liking.....
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN '"SOMEONE U LOVE'" AND '"SOMEONE U LIKE'"
In front of the person u love,ur heart beats faster.
But in front of the person u like,u get happy.
In front of a person u love,winter seems like a spring.
But in front of a person u like,winter is just a beautiful winter.
If u look into the eyes of the one u love,u blush.
But if u look into the eyes of the one u like,u smile.
In front of a person u love,u can't say anything on ur mind.
But in front of a person u like,u can.
In front of the one u love,u tend to get shy.
But in front of the one u like,u can show ur own self.
U can't look straight into the eyes of the one u love.
But u can always smile into the eyes of the one u like.
When the one u love is crying,u cry with him.
But when the one u like is crying,u end up comforting him.
The feeling of love starts from the eye.
But the feeling of liking starts from the ear.
So if u stop liking a person u used to like,all u
need to do is close ur ears.
But if u try to close ur eyes,love turns into a drop
of tear & remains in ur heart forever.......
_____________________________________________________________
In front of the person u love,ur heart beats faster.
But in front of the person u like,u get happy.
In front of a person u love,winter seems like a spring.
But in front of a person u like,winter is just a beautiful winter.
If u look into the eyes of the one u love,u blush.
But if u look into the eyes of the one u like,u smile.
In front of a person u love,u can't say anything on ur mind.
But in front of a person u like,u can.
In front of the one u love,u tend to get shy.
But in front of the one u like,u can show ur own self.
U can't look straight into the eyes of the one u love.
But u can always smile into the eyes of the one u like.
When the one u love is crying,u cry with him.
But when the one u like is crying,u end up comforting him.
The feeling of love starts from the eye.
But the feeling of liking starts from the ear.
So if u stop liking a person u used to like,all u
need to do is close ur ears.
But if u try to close ur eyes,love turns into a drop
of tear & remains in ur heart forever.......
_____________________________________________________________
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